As well as sharing the every day things I love and love doing, one of my reasons for starting this blog was to chart my journey from employee to self-employed person with a better work life balance and more control over my day to day living. You can read more about why I made the decision here.
With the new month rolling around tomorrow, I am now on the final month’s countdown to this new life, which I hope will not just be about the work I do but also about how I live my life. I want what I’ve heard others call a sea change, a way to live differently. A way that will make me truly happy.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not unhappy now. I have a loving family, a great home, and things that interest me enough to keep my brain ticking and conversation flowing if the need arises. BUT I can’t deny I spend a fair bit of my time grumping too, and not just about the weather (which in England we are allowed to do at least once a day as it always too hot, too cold, has rained for too long or not for long enough…it really can’t win).
Things irk me too quickly and my temper is a bit too quick at times. I snap when I shouldn’t and there are days when I don’t like myself very much as a result, especially when – with hindsight – I can see that the cause (work, stress, tiredness) and the result (an argument with my husband) are not connected.
I do put a lot of it down to work, to the tiredness and the stress, but also there is this nagging inside of me that says I’m not quite living the life I could. And that isn’t about necessarily doing more, but doing more of what I love vs. feel I need to do. This comes in for every part of my life.
So I have a friend who I met through my daughters school, for example. I say friend but she isn’t. She’s someone I know. Yet I spend a lot of time talking to her at the school gate and outside of that, listening to her moan about her life and worrying if I’m not being sympathetic enough or if I can help her with her problems.
Bottom line is I can’t and, as terrible as it sounds, I don’t know her well enough for it to be my problem. It’s a negative relationship that’s developed and that half hour I spend (at least) every day on the listening and worrying I could be spending on talking to “real” friends and making sure these don’t end up by the wayside.
Relationships are just one area I need a mental spring (well autumn) clean. I need to do something about a wardrobe that no longer suits me and who I am (too many mumsy clothes, not enough fun) – but to do that I need to get my weight under control, so I feel good about buying new things. And to lose weight I need to start exercising again – which stopped right about when I started my new job. It feels like a lovely vicious circle I need to break.
The patterns are what I plan on breaking now. I know I can’t do everything at once but I need to do something. I thought about putting down my goals here, and revisiting them regularly, would help me focus more. So, what is this “master” plan? To get healthy – physically and mentally, wealthy enough to not have to work for the man again, and to start using my brain for more than planning meetings. Not much to aim for right?
This month, the healthy means starting to exercise every day. The fitbit is on and the steps are starting to rack up. This might not be enough to lose the weight I want to but it’s a start and I can manage it given my schedule. I have a goal of 15,000 steps a day in September.
The wealthy isn’t so much about earning as it is about getting my financial ducks in a row as I won’t have a set income from next month. I know it stacks up BUT I need to make sure all the things I had said I was going to do to tighten my belt are in place (bye bye Virgin TV).
As for the wise, this will wait for next month, when I start my editing and proofreading courses – this is the bit I’m probably most excited about (who likes exercise after all?). But it does have to wait till I have free days and can turn off the mobile phone without feeling guilty.
Have you ever felt like this – the need to have a change? How do you get out of those ruts and make the changes you need? Any advice gratefully received – in the meantime, wish me luck!