So, it’s October – the 6th of October to be exact – and here I am, a week into my “new life”, the one where end up healthy, wealthy, wise and happy, or at least that’s the plan. So how am I feeling? If you’d have asked me that Monday the answer would have been panicked. I woke up with no job to go to, no emails that had to be answered, no one I needed to call or tell what to do.
It was the strangest feeling. I was convinced I’d made the wrong decision and that I needed to start looking for a job, any job, before my life was over. Seconds later, I decided that no one would ever hire me after they realised I’d quit my job without having another to go to willingly – what type of person would do that? – and just wanted to hide.
Then I remembered that this is what I wanted. To not have to answer to anyone for every minute of every day, to make my own rules and set my own agenda. To be able to build a life where I could say yes or no to work and find that work / life balance we, as women, are all told we can achieve but – if we’re honest – few of us feel we do. Plus, I told myself that everyone I had told of my plan had been excited for me and positive – they thought I could do it. And if they thought I could I needed to feel that way too.
So, I took some deep breaths, I gave myself a stern talking to…and sat down to watch TV.
After all, after working for what felt like all the hours God sent for the last two years without taking a break, I figured I needed one. So that’s what I did, all day Monday. I watched re-runs of Buffy, caught up with the housewives and, to show I’m not completely shallow in my TV watching, even tuned in to some of the Conservative party conference (not the most exciting thing but I felt a bit more informed as a result).
On Tuesday, I woke up, made myself a cup of tea (not rosehip!), and prepared to do the same. Then I had a vision of me a week, two weeks, maybe more than that – still watching TV and not doing much of anything else. It would be so easy and a perfect way to avoid what I needed to do. So, I put down the remote and got to work – for myself. I updated my LinkedIn profile and CV, and started working my way through the pretty long to do list I started a month or so ago in preparation of the “big day”.
And so the week has gone, with me crossing a few more things of the to do list each day. Slowly, I think, I’m starting to understanding a little more just what this change means for me and I’m feeling a little more confident about it each day. The panic is over – for now at least!
Not that it has been all work. The biggest thing for me this week has been figuring out that I can control my own time. I am not having to get up at 5 and on a train at 6. I’m not having to work through lunch or pick up the laptop after my daughter goes to bed so I can finish off what I hadn’t managed to during the day. I haven’t set my alarm once all week. Heaven!
Not once this week have I felt rushed, or stressed or anxious that I haven’t accomplished what I set out to. It’s a feeling I’m not used to. And I did something else I’m not used to either – I exercised, properly, every day. Yes, EVERY DAY! I didn’t know you could do such a thing but I did – I ran, jumped (literally, but more on that next week), and bent my body into strange shapes as I attempted to do yoga (it wasn’t pretty but there are no photos so it’s o.k.).
I ache all over but I feel good – physically and mentally. I know I’m on the start of a steep learning curve and there will be bumps in the road but it’s o.k. Right now, I feel I’ve made the right decision and I will – hopefully – be able to stick to it.
I’m sure I’m not alone in how I’ve been feeling with these big changes – how do you cope with finding a work life balance or any suggestions for how to handle the bumps that are a coming?
images courtesy of pixabay.com